Anthony Gramuglia |
Oct 10, 2023
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Few anthology horror series have the longevity of V/H/S. Over the course of six films, V/H/S has crafted a world where all sorts of evil—from devils and spirits to aliens and eldritch fiends—exist simultaneously and have been documented on a set of enigmatic, cursed tapes.
But while the world of V/H/S might be a self-contradictory nightmare world the likes of which we cannot imagine, the films are pretty great. Each segment allows some of horror’s greatest modern visionaries—Adam Wingard, David Bruckner, Ti West, Timo Tjahjanto, Flying Lotus, Radio Silence, and Scott Derrickson to name a few—to experiment in unique ways.
But which segments are the best? For this, we will be ranking the individual segments, including the wraparounds, from worst to best. There’s a lot to cover, including the newest entry, V/H/S/85.
31. “Vicious Circles”, dir. Marcel Sarmiento (V/H/S: Viral)
V/H/S: Viral is the weakest entry in the series, and a lot of that has to do with its wrap-around segment. “Vicious Circles” is borderline incoherent. A lot of things happen, one after the other, but they don’t connect in any logical way.
Credit should be given for its sheer ambition, but none of it ever comes together. The finale of the segment feels disjointed and downright corny in all of the worst ways. It tries to hit this emotional pay-off that it just doesn’t earn. Just a misfire on all cylinders.
30. “Bonestorm”, dir. Justin Benson&Aaron Moorhead (V/H/S: Viral)
“Bonestorm” is the worst full-blown segment of the V/H/S series. It is not without merit—there is some decent character work, some fun action, and a few cool uses of GoPro cameras.
However, the negatives outweigh the positives. The segment drags. It’s ultimately about a bunch of American kids who believe in nothing trashing a custom from a culture unlike their own. It’s also not remotely scary. You don’t care what happens to these kids, and when something does happen to them, it’s never particularly interesting. Or even fun.
29. “Tape 56”, dir. Adam Wingard (V/H/S)
The wraparound segment for the original V/H/S is the weakest component of the film. It’s incredibly sleazy and uncomfortable, but, unlike the wraparound segment in V/H/S 2, it overstays its welcome, lingering on these unpleasant characters being awful for seemingly no reason.
“Tape 56” takes too much time between the segments, which actually does the film as a whole a disservice. It brings down the energy after each segment. Thankfully, “Tape 49” takes all the potential of “Tape 56” and does it better.
28. “Dante the Great”, dir. Gregg Bishop (V/H/S: Viral)
This segment has some merits. There’s an evil magician, which is fun. Magic capes and human sacrifices? Cool. But the problem with this segment is how much it pushes our suspension of disbelief.
People are being teleported across the United States, and they treat this like it’s some cool, wild trick as opposed to some reality-defying magic. People are talking about the murders like they’re an unsolved mystery, but whoever compiled this documentary clearly has all the footage. For that matter, who is holding the cameras in the finale? We get some great coverage, but who’s filming?
27. “The Gawkers”, dir. Tyler MacIntyre (V/H/S/99)
“The Gawkers” serves both as a wrap-around segment and an individual entry in V/H/S/99, a decidedly uneven entry in the V/H/S series. This segment might be the weakest, despite some interesting amateur stop-motion.
The premise is simple: kids peeping on a neighbor end up seeing too much.
26. “Holy Hell”, dir. Jennifer Reeder (V/H/S/94)
The fourth wrap-around section is a frantic, borderline incoherent ride through a SWAT raid. It does what the best V/H/S wrap-arounds do: touch upon the contextual lore of the franchise without ever explaining too much.
There are some incredibly gnarly visuals in this one, but it’s hard to call this one particularly memorable. Still, it captures that feeling you get when walking through a Halloween haunt: you don’t know what’s around the corner.
25. “Gorgeous Vortex”, dir. Todd Lincoln (V/H/S: Viral)
Never heard of “Gorgeous Vortex”? That’s understandable, considering this short was actually cut from the V/H/S: Viral. This segment is an avant-garde, surreal experience that breaks convention entirely. It’s not a found footage short film.
So then, what is “Gorgeous Vortex”? It’s maybe about a serial killer. Or an organization of faceless people. But then it’s also about medical procedures and some grotesque monster. Whatever it is, it’s at once impossible to follow logically and also hypnotic. It retains your attention, but it also feels profoundly out of place in this franchise.
24. “Shredding”, dir. Maggie Levin (V/H/S/99)
Zombie rockers get revenge on people who don’t respect their memory. This segment is pretty unremarkable, following a very predictable formula.
What elevates are the creature effects and viscera, as well as the amateur MTV style of this particular segment. It started V/H/S/99 on rocky ground, but, thankfully, the film got better from this point onward.
23. “TKNOGD”, dir. Natasha Kermani (V/H/S/85)
V/H/S/85 is for the most part full of pretty good, compelling segments. “TKNOGD” is their weakest link. It follows a surreal performance art where a woman dives into virtual reality in search of a techno god.
Ignoring the very awkward references to modern tech—such as an “eye-phone”—it’s a segment that mostly captures the joy of watching a weird piece of performance art. The virtual reality segment elevates everything, but there’s simply not enough of it. The ending is darkly funny, but it feels like missed potential for such an interesting concept.
22. “Suicide Bid”, dir. Johannes Roberts (V/H/S/99)
The second segment of V/H/S/99 was also a bit of a letdown, though arguably more memorable than its previous entry due to being focused on hazing, a very real problem many people encounter at least once in their lives.
Is it predictable? Yes. Is it also extremely claustrophobic? Reminiscent of very real trauma many of us had? Also yes.
21. “The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger”, dir. Joe Swanberg (V/H/S)
Gaslighting is a term that’s often misused, but “The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger” is emblematic of the cruelest form of gaslighting. It’s notably the only segment in V/H/S as a franchise thus far where no one dies. That doesn’t make it less disturbing.
The horror of this segment isn’t immediately apparent. It’s not that Emily’s apartment is filled with what first appear to be ghosts—and later are revealed to be aliens—nor the embryo that’s inserted into her body. Rather, the horror comes from her relationship with her boyfriend, who knowingly manipulates and abuses her, lying to her face the whole time.
There are elements of this segment that simply don’t work. The acting and effects are a little cheesy. But the core of this segment is genuinely horrific.
20. “Parallel Monsters”, dir. Nacho Vigalondo (V/H/S: Viral)
If you combine The Fly and Hellraiser, you get “Parallel Monsters.” Scientist opens a portal to another reality, finding another version of himself with a similar portal. They switch realities, and find themselves at the mercy of their respective worlds.
What really grounds the horror and humor of this segment is just how normalized the body horror and Satanic imagery is in the alternate reality. It’s one thing if you open up the portal and end up in the Cenobite’s Labyrinth, but this is just casual horror, which makes the whole thing far funnier. This is by far the best segment in V/H/S: Viral.
19. “Tape 49”, dir. Simon Barrett (V/H/S/2)
By far one of the better wraparound segments, “Tape 49” shows a missing person investigation that brings two less-than-moral private investigators into an encounter with the tapes.
What works here is how direct this wraparound segment is. It all builds to a singular scare at the end that’s just as funny as it is unsettling.
It also feels the most real, in that you probably have encountered someone like this tape collector in real life — someone who is deeply knowledgeable, would like to be a part of the thing he loves, but also wants to have fun with it. In fact, you might be he!
18. “Tuesday the 17th”, dir. Glenn McQuaid (V/H/S/)
Slasher parodies are often very elaborate, playing on the tropes inherent to the genre. “Tuesday the 17th” just chooses to make the slasher a big ball of video static. And it works—kinda.
For what it is, this segment is a lot of fun. It’s as goofy and over the top as a Friday the 13th film. It’s also not particularly deep. The concept is what you get. But at the end of the day, that’s not a bad thing. It’s not deep, but it’s fun.
17. “Phase 1 Clinical Trials”, dir. Adam Wingard (V/H/S/2)
The first of V/H/S 2‘s segments is its weakest, but that doesn’t make it bad by any means. This segment is essentially an alternate version of the Chinese film The Eye: a person gets eye surgery and can now see ghosts.
There’s a surprising amount of ambiguity in the film, from who the ghosts represent in the characters’ lives to what draws them in. But this segment packs a lot of dread and has a fairly memorable ending.
16. “No Wake/Ambrosia”, dir. Mike P. Nelson (V/H/S/85)
V/H/S/85 features a two-part segment, with one complete story being spread across two segments. “No Wake” focuses on a group of friends who end up being hunted during a trip to a lake, while “Ambrosia” centers on a family’s unusual coming-of-age ritual.
Both segments feel surprisingly real for V/H/S, with a particular sequence in “No Wake” where the characters are stuck on a boat standing out as unpleasantly real. While “Ambrosia” is quick and to the point, it needs “No Wake” in order to manage any narrative weight. Still, the two segments work very well together, though the supernatural twist revealed later on does feel unexplored.
15. “Second Honeymoon”, dir. Ti West (V/H/S)
I am going to be upfront: I didn’t remember “Second Honeymoon” being as good as it was until after my most recent rewatch of V/H/S. When you first see this segment, it’s sort of meandering. You don’t know where it’s going exactly. It feels aimless.
On a second rewatch, knowing where the story takes this couple as they travel the country, the segment becomes far more interesting. It’s better on a rewatch, but this segment by Ti West is packed with subtle characterization and grounded social horror. It’s unlike its more bombastic peers.
14. “The Empty Wake”, dir. Simon Barrett (V/H/S/94)
Sometimes, all it takes is a simple concept, lots of build-up, and a solid pay-off. “The Empty Wake” is a basic concept: a wake is conducted for someone who met a violent end, no one showed up (other than a single employee), and the coffin might be moving.
The whole segment is a build-up to one of the V/H/S series’ best-set pieces, reminiscent of the face-hugger sequence in Aliens or the Jurassic Park kitchen-velociraptor sequence. One tight location, with increasingly less space between our protagonist and monster, all in the dark. It’s a fun, tense scene.
13. “God of Death”, dir. Gigi Saul Guerrero (V/H/S/85)
“God of Death” follows a cameraman who, after an earthquake, is trapped inside a crumbling building. We watch as a rescue crew tries to save him as the building falls down around them.
Because this is a V/H/S film, we know there’s going to be some twist towards the end, but the segment honestly feels most harrowing when the characters are confronted with a very real terror: surviving a natural disaster.
The twist at the end introduces something all at once familiar and alien to horror fans, but it’s the claustrophobic, tense scenes of the characters passing through the rubble that makes this stand out.
12. “A Ride in the Park”, dir. Edúardo Sanchez&Gregg Hale (V/H/S/2)
Zombies in the park. There are few found footage movies that feature zombies—[REC] being the most well-known — but very few show us the viewpoint of a zombie.
“A Ride in the Park” has a lot of moments that border on camp, from the goofy expressions on some newly formed zombies to an attack on a children’s birthday party. There is some pathos towards the end, but—let’s be fair—a zombie with a GoPro attacking family events is pretty much worth the price of admission on this one.
11. “Total Copy”, dir. David Bruckner (V/H/S/85)
A strange entity sits on a sofa, watching TV. As scientists study it, it becomes clear that this shapeshifting entity is evolving based on what culture it’s fed, but things get weird when it starts to become aware of things that it simply should not know.
“Total Copy” is V/H/S/85‘s wraparound segment, but, much like “Gawkers” is a complete narrative. “Total Copy” is slow-moving, and, because it’s broken up between all the other segments, you might find yourself wondering where all of this is going. But it’s all worth it for the last part.
Much like “Tape 49,” this segment ends on a moment that is simultaneously disturbing and hilarious—so much so that it’s hard not to love it.
10. “10/31/98”, dir. Radio Silence (V/H/S)
The end of the original V/H/S is light on plot, but heavy on raw impact. Taking place on Halloween, a group of friends stumbles upon what appears to be an eldritch ritual that goes wrong, bringing forth the legions of Hell itself.
This is one of those segments that sells itself purely on vibes alone—but what a great, chaotic, horrific vibe this is. This is a segment that ends the original V/H/S on a high note, one that left us wanting more.
9. “Slumber Party Alien Abduction”, dir. Jason Eisener (V/H/S)
This is one of two segments expanded into a full-length feature: Kids vs. Aliens. Why? Because this segment is great. A slumber party turns deadly when aliens come down and invade, abducting the kids one by one.
The segment starts a little slow, with the kids and older teens pulling increasingly cruel pranks on one another. But once that abrasive blow-horn sound starts, the segment goes all out. These are some of the scariest aliens on-screen, in part because of that horrific sound and lighting that accompanies them.
Also, the camera is strapped to a cute dog. The fact that kids and a dog are in danger makes the segment feel all the more extreme, especially given the incredibly bleak note the segment ends on. Even by V/H/S standards, this feels mean-spirited. The last shot has to be the most upsetting visual in the entire franchise.
8. “To Hell and Back”, dir. Vanessa & Joseph Winter (V/H/S/99)
On New Year’s Eve, 1999, two videographers are dragged to Hell while on a gig for a coven of witches. Now, with the help of one of the condemned, they have to find their way back.
The V/H/S series is known for its low budgets, so how they made Hell look so oppressive and so horrific is beyond me. The glimpses we get of grotesque things crawling and towering monsters patrolling look incredible. Perhaps it’s due to how sparingly they’re used, but they leave an impression.
But it also helps that the three central characters are so entertaining and likable. You really want to see them escape, but you also want to see them encounter the dark things lurking in the shadows.
7. “Terror”, dir. Ryan Prows (V/H/S/94)
Redneck terrorists plan on using vampire blood as a weapon of mass destruction. Things don’t work out well for them.
This is a movie where a bunch of people who critically overestimate their capabilities end up way over their heads very quickly. It’s never clear how these individuals managed to capture a vampire, but once they have it, they exact dehumanizing cruelty to it. You feel bad for the vampire, and the sheer incompetency of the terrorists makes you want to see the vampire get his revenge.
6. “Ozzy’s Dungeon”, dir. Flying Lotus (V/H/S/99)
A bizarre children’s game show ends in tragedy when a girl is injured. Her family is still pissed off about this and exacts their revenge against their host. However, there might be some greater intelligence behind the show than everyone—even the host—is led to believe.
This segment is the strongest in V/H/S/99, especially if you grew up loving Legends of the Hidden Temple. The segment can be split into thirds: the bizarre game show, the revenge, and the cosmic horror nightmare lurking behind the scenes. All three feel distinct and keep the segment from ever dragging.
There is this manic glee from start to finish that makes you wonder “How far is this going to go?” And then it just goes a step farther than you’d expect.
5. “Dreamkill”, dir. Scott Derrickson (V/H/S/85)
The police are receiving video tapes depicting horrific, cruel murders. Days later, the crimes happen. The police determine that the person sending them the tapes is a goth teen with a prophetic gift.
“Dreamkill” is an idea that Scott Derrickson should have developed into a full movie. With V/H/S frequently spinning off segments into full-length films, this one feels poised for it.
Of note are the tapes themselves. They feel straight out of Sinister, with the surreal violence, dissonant soundtrack, and disorienting aesthetic. It might feel a little cramped, but those visions of kills-to-be are the stuff of nightmares.
4. “The Subject”, dir. Timo Tjahjanto (V/H/S/94)
When Timo Tjahjanto makes a short for a V/H/S film, you know you’re in for a good time. His two segments rank among the very best the series has to offer.
“The Subject” looks at a mad scientist who blends human flesh with machinery. We follow a young girl violently twisted by his experiments, who, after a police raid disrupts the doctor’s dominating control, has to escape to survive, wandering through a cyberpunk madhouse of horror.
This segment is so utterly bonkers that it’s hard not to love every second of it. Because of how fast it shifts gears from tense experimentation, ultra-violent action, and gruesome cyberpunk body horror, the segment never gets boring. It just keeps building and building to its violent finale which has a surprising amount of hope for its bleak concept.
3. “Amateur Night”, dir. David Bruckner (V/H/S)
A few friends go on a bender to a couple of clubs and pick up some girls. One of them is a strange girl who wants our protagonist in a way he might not expect. It’s a simple premise, executed extremely well by David Bruckner.
What works about this segment is that the group of friends is, generally, just terrible. They objectify women—one even tries to take advantage of a girl passed out drunk—so you don’t mind all that much when things go south. The central monster is honestly the most sympathetic figure in the segment, being at once emotionally vulnerable and incredibly unsettling while only having a few lines.
This is the most famous segment in the original V/H/S film. While there have been better segments since “Amateur Night,” it immediately sells you on the V/H/S series’ premise. It’s such a good concept, that a full-length film, Siren, followed it.
2. “Storm Drain”, dir. Chloe Okuno/”The Veggie Masher”, dir. Steven Kostanski (V/H/S/94)
Hail Ratmaa.
There’s a lot of reason to love this segment. For one, the local news aesthetic is immediately nostalgic for anyone who grew up during the 90s. The characters are all surprisingly well-developed, given their brief screen time.
But the biggest reason? A genuinely compelling story. What starts off as a story about a cryptid turns into a strange psychological horror story about cults, before diving full-blown into outright cosmic horror. It’s a superb story with an incredibly memorable ending.
Also “The Veggie Masher” is a very short segment that just fits in nicely with “Storm Drain” to complete that local news network aesthetic.
1. “Safe Haven”, dir. Timo Tjahjanto (V/H/S/2)
A news crew interviews a reclusive cult leader who’s believed to be taking advantage of his young wards. As the crew continues their interview, however, they realize that something is very wrong with this cult. Things escalate into a gruesome, nightmarish finale with downright apocalyptic implications.
“Safe Haven” works on every level. It’s a complex concept, boiled down to a quick run-time. The characters are all surprisingly well-developed, with nuanced interpersonal drama that mixes well with the main conflict. The cult leader is a compelling antagonist who works both on a realistic and supernatural level.
And, of course, the horror is consistently intense. I don’t know what’s scarier: the cult prior to the supernatural stuff or after. It’s deeply unsettling seeing them commit mass suicide and mutilate themselves, but it’s also disturbing seeing them crawl on walls, return as zombies, and transform an unborn fetus into a goat-horned Antichrist.
Timo Tjahjanto’s first entry in the V/H/S franchise is the best segment in the entire series. No contest, hands down—”Safe Haven” wins.
V/H/S/85 is available now on Shudder.
What do you think of our ranking? Which segment is your favorite? Let us know on Twitter @DreadCentral!
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